You know, I am really getting old.

I can tell that I’m really getting old because of several fairly reliable indicators.

For one thing, people keep reminding me that I’m getting old – which is good, because, for another thing, I can’t remember very much these days. I can’t even recall why I came to this planet in the first place. And then I suddenly remember: I came here because there are no Cocoa Puffs on my planet. This is due to my planet’s curiously insane policy of zero tolerance for Cocoa Puffs.

Another reliable sign that I’m rapidly fossilizing is my “PGF,” that is, my “Personal Grumpiness Factor.” Lately, my PGF is going off the charts, and I’ll tell you why.

The buffalo of Yellowstone Park, the only genetic descendants of the last, wild, free-ranging herds of the American West, are being murdered by the state of Montana and the Department of Livestock and Curiously Insane Activities.

Just because SOME of the buffalo that cross the park’s boundary into Montana in search of food at this time of year are infected with a disease called brucellosis, they are being murdered by the government.
I know I’ve harped on this before, but, darn it, this is the most idiotic, outrageously stupid policy that this planet has in place, and it seriously pushes my PGF into “rage” mode.

Fear of brucellosis
The DOL and Montana’s cattle industry are afraid of brucellosis because the disease causes beef cows to abort their calves. Understood. They also don’t want Montana to lose its “brucellosis-free” status. I understand that as well. I also understand that, historically, whatever the government either fears or misunderstands, its policy is then to either remove it or just plain kill it.

The government practiced that policy with Indians. Now they’re doing it with the buffalo.

Here’s what else I understand:
1. There has never been a documented case of brucellosis being transmitted from a buffalo to a beef cow, not in Montana or on any other planet. There are, however, many cases of brucellosis seriously infecting the reasoning and intelligence capacities of some people who are politically motivated by or otherwise associated with Montana’s cattle industry.

2. Because of the nature of the bacterium, a beef cow would have to somehow ingest the afterbirth or the birth fluids from an infected cow buffalo, or ingest grass infected by these materials. This tells us two things: One, that a beef cow would have to be really desperate for some variety in her diet, or, that she would have to be grazing in Yellowstone Park, where the buffalo drop their calves. God help us ALL if that ever happens. Secondly, it tells us that bull buffalo and calf buffalo cannot transmit the disease at all – yet they are targeted by the DOL as well.

Every passing day I am not only getting older, and grumpier, but I’m also becoming more and more grateful for the efforts of the stalwart young men and women of the Buffalo Field Campaign. These hardy young people, from all walks of life and from all over the country, represent the only grass-roots group out in the field every day of the year to protect the buffalo and document the activities of the DOL.

These kids daily face the harsh cold of West Yellowstone, while enduring the bitter political winds of the state’s zero tolerance for reason and understanding. If not for the constant presence and vigilance of the BFC, who knows what kind of wholesale slaughter we might be seeing.

And where are the Indians in all of this? Come on, people. This is our most sacred animal we’re talkin’ about here – let’s get involved. And I don’t mean taking home buffalo that have been killed by the feds.

Crippling the gene pool
You know, everybody wigs out when a white buffalo is born on some farm in the U.S. Well, that’s all very nice, but I’ll get excited when a white female calf is born to the Yellowstone buffalo herd (remember – these are the direct, genetic descendants from the originals!) And every time one of these buffalo is killed, we drastically reduce the possibility of that blessed event happening.

We’re crippling the gene pool of these powerful, magical creatures – destroying the genetic viability and variability of a rare and beautiful race – all for the sake of a few “sacred” cows.

The current “management policy” for the buffalo makes about as much sense as zero tolerance for Cocoa Puffs.

Surely, as citizens of a nation that represents the height of civilization, we can come up with something better than bullets and “zero tolerance for buffalo” to solve this situation.

And I’m not leaving this planet until we do.